4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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