Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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