Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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