She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
