you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
