Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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