every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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