Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize