New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my liver is dry heaving
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
