So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
