I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
