If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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