The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
