I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
