i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
