WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
