I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
