At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize