I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
