it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
