Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
