did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
