I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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