Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
