Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
