Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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