The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
