PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
