Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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