Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize