please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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