come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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