i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
