we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
