so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
