sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
