saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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