these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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