I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
