so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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