KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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