it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
