I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
