and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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