You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
