I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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