Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
