So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
