she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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