too bad you live with your parents still
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
