come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
