he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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