I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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