cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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