I could make wine with my vomit
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
