He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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