I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
