I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
