Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
