i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
