I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
