I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
