Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
