Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
