I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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