Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
