We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
