Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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