We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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