It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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