hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
