woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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