i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
