I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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