you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
