Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize